are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
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We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
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I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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