I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
