in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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