Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
