cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize