Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
