in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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