sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
