My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
