she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize