Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
