Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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