Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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