I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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