Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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