im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize