he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
