Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
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Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
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mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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