When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
