just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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