You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
