Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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