Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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