Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
