I didn't shave. On purpose
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am one with the molecules
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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