The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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