You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
