Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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