Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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