If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
