and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
