Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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