I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
