I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
