I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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