im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Randomize
