We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
