i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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