Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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