You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
