i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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