Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
