If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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