That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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