Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
