Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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