You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
