i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
