My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
