I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize