the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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