whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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