You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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