if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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