we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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