sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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