She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
