the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
