if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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