He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
only you would photoshop your dick
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
