I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
too bad you live with your parents still
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
