I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
