haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
