At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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