I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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