if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
In other news, I just burned my penis
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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