dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
