so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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