Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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