So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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