I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
