Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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