i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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