You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My vagina is very pro this idea
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
