Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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