How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
